Body: Brekel

“You’re still a brekel,” she said, before I sat down.

I was not supposed to watch. But children are born archaeologists of adult secrets. I had found the loose floorboard beneath her bed, the one that looked into the workshop below. Through that crack I saw what a brekel body truly is: a body returned to life, yes—breathing, blinking, bleeding if pricked—but wrong. Not in the way of a scar or a limp. Wrong in the way of a sentence where every word is spelled correctly but the grammar belongs to another language. brekel body

She cried then. I had never seen my grandmother cry. The tears slid down the deep gullies of her face and dripped onto our joined hands. I felt them land on my cold left hand—and for one impossible moment, I felt warmth. Real warmth. As if the tears were filling some gap in my brekel body, some place where the wiring had come loose and the signal had been lost. “You’re still a brekel,” she said, before I sat down

I did not tell her that I had stopped breathing in my sleep three times last month. I did not tell her that my heart now skipped every fourth beat, not every tenth. I did not tell her that I had begun to smell like bandages and rain. I had found the loose floorboard beneath her

Is she whole? Is she right? Is she still one of us?

“Does it hurt?”