Drive — Angry

There are Nicolas Cage movies, and then there are Nicolas Cage movies . You know the difference. One is Leaving Las Vegas (artsy, sad, Oscar-worthy). The other is Drive Angry (loud, horny, shot out of a cannon wrapped in flames).

Have you seen this beautiful disaster? Do you think The Accountant deserved his own spin-off? Sound off in the comments below.

If you have somehow missed this 3D grindhouse gem from 2011, let me paint you a picture: Nicolas Cage, wearing the greatest leather coat in cinematic history, has escaped from Hell. He is not here to negotiate. He is not here to find inner peace. He is here to steal a muscle car and kill every single member of a Satanic cult to save his infant granddaughter from being sacrificed.

Rating: ★★★★ (Four out of five flaming skulls) Drive Angry

Director Patrick Lussier knows exactly what movie he is making. This is a love letter to the drive-in exploitation flicks of the 70s. The car chases are practical, brutal, and loud. There is a shootout in a hotel room that lasts ten minutes. There is a scene where Cage drives a Dodge Charger through a cornfield while shooting at a cult van, and the camera never cuts. It’s pure, unapologetic mayhem.

Milton doesn’t care about the apocalypse. He cares about a shotgun and a very specific itinerary.

Hot on his heels is “The Accountant” (William Fichtner), a mysterious, silver-tongued man in a white suit who works for the devil. The Accountant isn’t there to stop Milton—he’s there to bring him back . Their cat-and-mouse game is less The Fugitive and more Looney Tunes if Bugs Bunny smoked cigarettes and quoted Machiavelli. 1. The Cage-ian Energy This is peak, uncut, 100% pure grade-A Cage. He doesn’t talk much, but when he does, it’s a gravelly whisper that sounds like a dump truck full of gravel driving over a bag of feral cats. He reloads a shotgun while having sex. He drinks bourbon while driving 120mph. He stares at the moon with the quiet rage of a man who literally has nothing left to lose. There are Nicolas Cage movies, and then there

If you go into this looking for nuanced drama, you will hate it. But if you want to turn your brain off, crack open a beer, and watch the King of Weird Cinema drive a hot rod through hellfire while a demonic accountant does Sudoku puzzles in the backseat?

Turn off your phone. Turn up the volume. And remember: "If you're gonna ride, ride in style."

And that’s just the first ten minutes. Cage plays Milton, a hardened criminal who broke out of the underworld for one reason: revenge. A cult led by the terrifyingly calm Jonah King (Billy Burke) murdered Milton’s daughter and plans to use the baby’s blood to bring about the apocalypse. The other is Drive Angry (loud, horny, shot

Remember when every movie was slapping post-conversion 3D on the poster? Drive Angry actually shot with 3D cameras. And they use it for the stupidest, most glorious reasons. Bullets fly at the screen. Blood splashes at the lens. At one point, a lit cigar is thrown directly at the viewer. It is a gimmick, but it’s an honest gimmick. The Verdict Let’s be clear: Drive Angry is not The Godfather . It is not Citizen Kane . It is a movie where Nicolas Cage fights a man with a crossbow while his car is doing a flip.

I will say this until I die: The Accountant is one of the greatest cinematic villains/anti-heroes of the 21st century. Fichtner plays him with such deadpan, effortless cool that you actually root for Hell to win. Every line he delivers is gold. He never raises his voice. He never runs. He just appears , leans against a car, and ruins someone’s day with a smirk.