Father Ted Acceptance Speech: Script

What is this supposed to be, by the way? Is it a man holding a lamp? Or a lamp holding a man? I’ll put it next to the toilet – that’s where we keep all our best things.

[Pause.]

So thank you. To everyone who believed in me. Including that one nun who wrote a letter saying I was "less annoying than she expected." I’ve framed it. father ted acceptance speech script

First off, I’d like to thank the judging panel. That’s... brave of you. I saw the other nominees. Fantastic work altogether. Especially that fella who invented the self-warming ecumenical hot water bottle. Genius. And I lost to him in the cake competition once. So this is... unexpected.

Seriously, though – living on Craggy Island, you learn that small victories matter. Like getting the heating to work for more than an hour. Or convincing a visiting priest that you didn't accidentally start a small cult based on a misprinted hymn sheet. Again. What is this supposed to be, by the way

Right. Well... thank you.

[He raises the trophy awkwardly, nods, and walks off – nearly tripping on the step.] Would you like a (30 seconds) or a version where Mrs. Doyle interrupts mid-speech with tea? I’ll put it next to the toilet –

I have to mention Father Dougal McGuire. He’s sitting over there – no, Dougal, that’s a coat rack . There he is. Dougal thinks I won an award for "being able to turn the telly on without using the remote." I haven’t corrected him. He’s very proud.

I’d also like to thank Mrs. Doyle. She’s not here because she insisted on staying behind to polish the tea cups. Even though the award ceremony has tea. She said, and I quote: "Ah no, Father, you never know when someone might drop by for a nice cuppa and a slice of sponge." So she’s at home. Polishing. For an event that hasn’t happened. That’s dedication.

I wasn’t expecting this. No, really – I actually had a speech prepared for losing. It was much shorter. Just said, "Fair play," and sat down. So you’ll have to bear with me.

Anyway. Thank you very much. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and stop Dougal from trying to "return" the award for store credit.