Laura By Saki Pdf -

That afternoon, she attended the general's funeral. It was a splendid affair, with a military band playing something suitably somber and a clergyman whose voice trembled with a professional sorrow that Laura found deeply soothing. She stood near a yew tree, pretending to dab her eyes with a handkerchief that smelled of lavender, and studied the other mourners.

"You are not Shelley. You are a woman of thirty-four who collects mourning clothes like other women collect butterflies. This man will ruin you."

"Why not?" replied Laura, adjusting a hat that looked like a small, feathered hearse. "They will not complain of the crowding. And one meets such interesting people at funerals—people who are not merely dying to meet you, but have actually achieved the distinction of being dead in your vicinity." laura by saki pdf

She did not write back. Instead, she began planning her next funeral. It was, she had heard, going to be a very good one. The deceased had been a tax collector, universally detested. There would be no tears. There might, if she was lucky, be a fistfight.

But then, quietly at first, a change crept in. That afternoon, she attended the general's funeral

Laura beamed. "How wonderfully honest! Most people come to funerals to pretend they cared. You come to celebrate. I like you."

"On the contrary," said Laura, "he will complete me. He hates everyone I hate—the living, that is. The dead he treats with appropriate respect. Last Tuesday we went to a funeral together for a woman neither of us had heard of, and he held my hand through the entire service. It was more romantic than Venice." "You are not Shelley

The wedding was small, sharp, and awkward. Egbert did not attend. He sent a letter instead, warning Laura that she was making a catastrophic mistake. Laura framed it and hung it in the hallway, next to a funeral card for a child she had never met. For six months, the marriage was a triumph of mutual misanthropy. Laura and Julian attended twenty-seven funerals together. They kept a ledger, ranking each for quality of music, depth of grave, and quantity of genuine tears shed by the bereaved. A funeral with no tears was considered "efficient"; a funeral with hysterical weeping was "excellent sport."

Julian smiled—a gentle, infuriating smile. "You cannot divorce me for loving you."

Dear Laura, it read. You were right. Hatred is more reliable than love. I have spent these last weeks trying to love the world, and I find it insufferably tedious. The living are, as you once said, terribly particular. They expect gratitude, reciprocity, and other exhausting performances. I miss you. I miss our funerals. I miss the way you used to rank the sandwiches afterwards. Will you not reconsider?

It was not, unfortunately, a question of whether Laura would attend the funeral; it was a question of how many funerals she would contrive to attend in the course of the week. Her obituaries, read with the thrilling detachment of a booking agent scanning racecards, had already yielded three promising prospects: a distant cousin who had left her a pug, a retired general whose liver had finally mutinied, and a wealthy philanthropist whose charities she had never patronized but whose buffet she had thoroughly admired.