"Amigos!" Pedro bellowed, sloshing his Dino-Sour . "Tonight, we do not just bury the bones. Tonight, we bury the loincloth!"
The air in the VIP section of El Rudo Rino was thick with smoke from extinct volcanoes and the scent of overripe pterodactyl fruit. Pedro Picapiedra, wearing a tie made of snakeskin and a grin that screamed trouble, raised a stone mug.
But just as she was about to give Bambam a lap dance involving a vine and a whole lot of hope, the cave entrance exploded.
Inside, covered in nothing but baby oil and crushed emeralds, was , the most famous exotic dancer in all of Prehistory. She had hair of moss and a tattoo of a volcano that actually erupted when she flexed. LOS PICAPIEDRA XXX - Despedida de soltero de Bambam
Bambam burst out laughing. A deep, booming laugh that shook the stalactites. He picked up Maribel, kissed her, and said, "That's why I'm marrying you."
Bambam’s jaw dropped. "Maribel? My Maribel?"
Pedro’s face turned the color of a cooked lobster. "Wait, what?" "Amigos
"What... what is happening?" Bambam stammered.
"Maribel isn't here!" Pablo Mármol chimed in, adjusting his fake leopard-print speedo. "What happens in the Tar Pits, stays in the Tar Pits!"
"Cut!" she screamed.
The door to the cave flew open. In walked the entertainment: .
Then came the . A dancer in a striped bikini entered riding an actual mechanical smilodon. It shot sparks from its eyes and dry-humped the stone pillar. Bambam was blindfolded and had to find a fossilized ring hidden in a bowl of mashed pterodactyl eggs. He found it. It was not the ring. It was a brontosaurus bean. He ate it anyway. "Protein!" he roared.
First came the challenge. Bambam had to drink a shot from a cup held between Vilma’s knees while doing a squat. He did it. The crowd went wild. Pablo fainted into a pile of guano. Pedro Picapiedra, wearing a tie made of snakeskin
Two stagehands rolled out a massive, heart-shaped rock. It was hollow. Inside, a silhouette writhed. The music turned slow and sleazy. The rock cracked open.
As the night reached a fever pitch, Pedro decided to introduce the Gran Finale . "For the man who can crush a boulder with his pinky... a boulder of a different kind!"