Cindy hoses a garden gnome with the pressure setting labeled “PAIN.” She is mid-scrub when a rustle interrupts her chi.
A fresh, wet, MUD PIE.
Cindy freezes. Her left eyelid does a drum solo.
Cindy stands at the property line. She holds a freshly steamed curtain, pristine white. Reginald, on the other side, drops a single, dry leaf at her feet. Cindy hoses a garden gnome with the pressure
Cindy’s eye twitches.
* TITLE CARD: THE HOUSEWIFE WILL RETURN IN: “DIRTY LAUNDRY” *
It’s REGINALD (Golden Retriever, neighbor’s dog, brain made of popcorn). Reginald holds something in his mouth. Something dark. Something spreading . Her left eyelid does a drum solo
Karen bursts inside, dragging a mud-caked Reginald. She finds her counters. Every single surface. Covered in a thin, greasy smudge . Not dirt. Cooking oil . Deliberately applied in paw-print patterns.
Karen screams.
She walks inside. The smudge is gone. The legend begins. Reginald, on the other side, drops a single,
Internal monologue, MAX SPEED: Smudge. Hostile. Source: canine. Target: glass. Response: IMMEDIATE SANITIZATION. But—no. Strategy. The dog is a weapon. The neighbor, KAREN (50s, wine-mom energy), is the arm. Karen lets Reginald roam because she “likes his free spirit.” Cindy has filed 14 HOA complaints. All ignored.
Karen sips Chardonnay on her deck, scrolling real estate listings. She hears a thump.
She strikes. A wet wipe materializes . The smudge evaporates from reality. Cindy hisses: “ Cleanse. ”